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Dealing with Dilemmas

Being on the horns of a dilemma essentially means having to make a choice between two difficult or unpleasant things. Have you ever found yourself in that situation and really didn’t know which way to go?

Human beings generally move toward pleasure and away from pain. What do they do when they find themselves in two situations that both seem undesirable? Many do nothing. But no decision is a decision. Sometimes that can be a wise choice. More often, it’s not.

Let’s say you need to pay your taxes right away as you’re at the deadline. But your only vehicle needs to be repaired right away so you can drive to work. Given your circumstances, you know of no current resources. How do you navigate that dilemma? The option of doing nothing in this case doesn’t seem smart.

One thing you can do in this example is to seek wise counsel from someone you trust. This takes a great deal of vulnerability as it involves finances. But you’re at the eleventh hour so time is of the essence. Since your adviser is more objective, they may see an option you are unaware of. Options suddenly emerge because you were willing to step out of your council of one (yourself).

Often, when some people find themselves in a bind of some kind, they ignore the situation or procrastinate making a choice. That only prolongs the inevitable. On the other hand, there are indeed situations when selective stalling or watchful waiting are called for. You have to make that call, and it may not always be right.

In the end, even if you seek guidance from others or wait for additional details, it still comes down to your making a move, and the best decision based on the facts. Write out a pros and cons list and consider the various options. Once you’ve done that, place your hand on your gut and listen to your instincts. Take a few moments to connect with your own wisdom and inner guidance.

Appreciation

What you appreciate appreciates. If you appreciate someone in a relationship with a compliment or in some kind of demonstrable manner, you strengthen the relationship. You increased the value of the connection. A chief complaint with intimate partners is that they feel unacknowledged and unappreciated. This issue is relatively easy to correct if there is regular recognition given to one another.

Being appreciated feels good, particularly when it’s unexpected. Acknowledgement doesn’t require extravagance although it certainly can. It may be as simple as a smile or a hug. Being seen and understood is a desire of a great majority of people. How do you feel when you are seen and understood?

How would you rate yourself in terms of sharing your appreciation with those you love or work with? If you find yourself lacking in giving acknowledgement, what is the obstacle? It may feel awkward to be vulnerable, but it could be well-worth it to overcome that awkwardness with someone you care about.

How about work situations? Does giving appreciation to those you work with seem too touchy-feely? Exit interview research shows that countless employees leave their jobs not necessarily because of pay issues but because they feel unappreciated.

If you recognize clerks, wait staff, baristas, and others in your daily world, you will make a positive impression on them. When they cross paths with you again, there’s a very good chance that they’ll likely acknowledge you in return. It’s a win-win.

Have you had the occasion when someone unexpectedly appreciated you? Perhaps you felt a warm glow and were boosted. Be assured that others you bestow appreciation on probably feel the same way. If you survey your everyday activities, you have so many opportunities to shine your light on what is good in others. Where will you share your appreciation today?

Smoke and Mirrors

 

Are you a fan of #magic tricks? Were you in awe as a child while watching a magician pull a rabbit out of the hat? So many children feel exhilarated when the seemingly unthinkable happens before their very eyes. There’s a child within all of us as adults that still enjoys being thrilled and delighted with magic.

As adults, however, it’s not so joyful when illusion impacts your personal and professional lives. Has anyone ever convinced you of a reality that seemed to be too good to be true? In your optimism, you may have bought into the story someone was spinning. It feels like quite a betrayal when the truth is revealed, especially if you’ve based life decisions on that tall tale. We see this happening in many aspects of life. Some people are experts at making the unreal seem plausible.

It’s an interesting and eye-opening #perspective when the veil of illusion is lifted, and the truth becomes more evident. It can be disappointing and dashing at first, and that makes sense. If you bought into the smoke-and-mirrors narrative, you may feel duped and foolish. You might also reassess the integrity of the person or people who conveyed the embellishment or sometimes, outright lies.

We see this phenomenon happening in relationships, workplace, finances, health remedies, and more. Remember Bernie Madoff? He was so charming and convincing that that many people invested millions with him, only to lose their entire life savings. Devastating!

As Don Miguel Ruiz suggests, it’s skillful to be open-minded but discerning. Trust your gut instinct. Ask more questions. Don’t take the glitz and glamour of what someone is presenting as truth immediately. Most of us have been deceived at some point in our lives, so there’s no shame if that’s happened to you. Make a commitment to yourself moving forward that you will be a good steward of your time, money, energy, resources and personhood.

Continuous Quality Improvement

Shunryu Suzuki, a Zen teacher, had a famous quote that states: “Each of you is perfect the way you are … and you can use a little improvement.” What he was pointing to is that your underlying self is wonderful, but you are still called to improve your external behavior.

At first glance, the words “continuous improvement” may sound ominous or tiring to consider. But there’s a positive, practical way to look at areas that need refinement. As we often say, a little goes a long way and consistency is key.

In the 1980s, the Japanese coined an idea to describe continuous improvement called Kaizen. It was formally designed as an approach to creating ongoing refinement. You could even call it quality assurance. The foundational idea is that small, constant changes lead to significant improvements over time. This covers four areas of life: personal, home, social and work. Kaizen embraces all aspects of life.

Kaizen in the workplace is based on collaboration, cooperation and commitment. The principles can apply to any aspect of life. Kaizen guidelines are: know your customer; let it flow; follow the action — value is created where things happen; be transparent; and empower others.

How can these principles be applied in all parts of your life? Let’s apply these concepts to family life. In this case, your customers are your loved ones. What do you know about them and how can you better meet their needs? Letting it flow with family means to understand that relationships are organic and that people are human. Can you bend a little and practice being flexible with them?

Can you go to where the action is and create value with your colleagues, friends and relatives? Be transparent with your people. Secrets are harmful to those you are in a relationship with. Be as forthright and honest as possible. You’ll tend to have better results. Do your best, day by day. Reach out today for support in gaining consensus with your team!

Successful Speech

Language is essential in communicating with others. Words describe or represent meaning about an idea, an object, or an experience. Being able to accurately or deliberately use words is necessary in communication.

One word can make or break the success of a project or relationship. Words matter greatly. The words themselves and how you speak them make a difference in their effect. You would likely agree that saying the word “no” forcefully contrasts considerably with saying it softly. In deliberate talk, you purposely speak in a slow and measured way. You carefully select your words, and you intentionally say them slowly. This allows you to hear and monitor yourself in terms of speed and tone, and for the receiver to understand and digest the message better.

We’ve all likely used words and tones which we later regretted. Once spoken, the bell cannot be un-rung. So, wise choices in how you talk to someone is paramount to having positive results.

This includes your internal talk, your inner assessment of yourself. Calling yourself stupid, an idiot, crazy and other unflattering words does little to move you forward. In fact, it can be a detrimental, self-sabotaging habit but one you can alter immediately. Try this moving forward:

  • Concentrate on breathing slowly and deeply, especially in difficult conversations with work teams or family members.
  • Rehearse heavy conversations aloud and in advance of challenging talks. Practice using pleasant, non-threatening language.
  • Practicing focusing on the goal. What are you hoping to achieve in the conversation with this person? Remember that conversations are organic, so be prepared to hear new information.

Realize that every conversation is not a life-or-death situation. Therefore, give yourself and others grace to be imperfect in your discussions with them. It’s a win-win.