Have you ever felt like life was coming at you from all directions? Can you recall a time when it seemed as if everything that could go wrong did go wrong?
When people are bombarded with negatives, they react in a variety of ways, some helpful and some not. Some people think there’s something wrong with them because things aren’t going well. They personalize the situation. Others fall into a blame-and-victim mode. They blame everything and everyone for what’s happening and feel that they’ve been victimized by a cruel world.
Everyone has experienced adversity at some point. Sometimes it’s on a large scale. Other times, it’s a bunch of little things that add up. Either way, it causes suffering. How much you suffer, though, is in your control. You can’t control the pain that life delivers, but you can reduce the self-imposed suffering that stems from adversity. In mindfulness, we often say that you can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
When bad things happen, take a breath and a step back. Pay attention to how you’re explaining things to yourself and whether that explanation is serving you well. In psychology, we call this your “explanatory style.” Check your narrative. Practice self-care. Be gentle with yourself. Ask for help from others. You might need a hug, a compassionate ear or professional help to take your next best steps.
Learn to respond to difficulties rather than react to them. When you respond in a manner that is deliberate and grounded rather than impulsive and rash, you put yourself in a position of power and clarity to realize workable remedies.