Convincing others to move forward with an idea isn’t always easy. And if an idea has an element of financial risk or there’s another perceived possible downfall in the equation, there tends to be resistance. Some people resist an idea until they can be rationally persuaded. Others need to feel emotionally safe to really consider the idea. Some will resist change at nearly any cost.
#Consensus fundamentally means agreement. Gaining agreement indicates that there has been some process of inclusion in moving forward with a plan. To be clear, it doesn’t mean that everyone agrees but that everyone in some way has input in the process. A majority vote may move an idea forward, but the minority opinions have at least been acknowledged.
Gaining consensus is not only important when possible, in organizations but even in families. Ultimately, there may be decisions made for the safety or the financial stability of the group even if there is disagreement. But at least members have an input in some way.
When approaching others, even children, your body language makes a statement beyond your words. Also, your choice of words and how you state them makes a vast difference in the outcome. Consider the contrast between “you have to” versus “it looks like we may need.” Both have the same goal in mind but are said differently.
If, for instance, you need someone to improve a particular behavior in an organization or at home, think about the difference in the phrasing “you need to stop” versus “I need your help with.” You can gain consensus with different word phrases. In fact, sometimes, you can gain consensus or buy-in from another person based on one word.
This is not to say that sometimes you just have to make a decision knowing that it will be an unpopular one. When you can gain consensus, it is more likely that the idea will be solid and successful. Reach out to us today to help you and your organization gain consensus!
What do you think about the emergence of artificial intelligence in the world? Are you a science-fiction fan or fearful of it? As AI is becoming more prevalent in every aspect of our lives, what are your thoughts, feeling and responses to it? In our work, we hear mixed responses to AI, both positive and negative.
Many of our executive friends and clients think that AI is replacing humans in the workforce. This can create a lot of fear. People don’t want to be irrelevant or eradicated. If you look back on history though, Google replaced encyclopedias and tractors replaced some manual laborer positions. Debit cards emerged as the new normal. People were and still are suspicious. People did lose jobs. Eventually, many adapted and found new jobs aligned with the new technology. As humans, it is our nature to evolve and operate on a totally different and unfamiliar plane at times. Adaptability is one of our greatest strengths. We have often learned about our adaptable strengths through struggles, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
However, we don’t want to let AI replace our humanity and our human connection, which is unique and irreplaceable. You can use the benefits and efficiency of AI while also retaining the invaluable facets of human presence and contribution in the process. We also want to keep a discerning eye on AI appropriating our intellectual capital. ChatGPT and other platforms can scoop your intellectual property and offer to others without crediting you for what you’ve created. This is egregious to many content creators, organizations, and entrepreneurs.
This is happening, so how can you get on board with the emerging future of AI while also protecting yourself? Learn as much as you can about it. Be curious. Be discerning. Ask others about their perspectives and experiences with it. Be open minded while also utilizing quality control in your life.
Are you adept at group dynamics? Groups exist in most areas of our lives from family to workplace teams to community organizations. When you have groups, you have all kinds of personalities interacting with each other. Some of those personalities will get along well with yours, and others won’t. So how can you be in a group and retain your peace and happiness?
First, let us say that all groups are not meant for you. You may find that you had a certain perception of how a group would operate only to have that idea dismantled after participating in it. The other truth about groups is that they are constantly changing. Leadership changes. The people in the group change. So while the group may have been a good fit for you at one point, you may have outgrown it or it no longer resonates.
Family is the first group you learn to navigate. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and how you learned to interact with this primary group impacts what you attempt as you grow up. The structure and rules of this initial family may look completely different than the next group you participate in such as sports teams and peer groups. You then have to learn a different set of rules of engagement. Sometimes this goes well, and sometimes it doesn’t. You may have found yourself hurt or wounded in some of these dynamics or perhaps not reading the social cues correctly. This leads people to feel like outliers.
In team dynamics in the workplace, boards and associations, and community organizations, we often discuss the stages of development that teams go through. These stages include forming, storming, norming and performing. The first two stages are difficult, but often if you can hang in there through the rough patches, you’ll be pleasantly surprised when you reach norming and performing. Even with very different personalities and perspectives, groups can find themselves working well together after some time. Some key components of getting to these stages without too much damage includes effective communication, good leadership, and empathy and understanding of differences.
Have you ever interacted with a narcissist? Do you have one in your life now? How do you end up feeling after being around a person with those characteristics?
It’s interesting to note that narcissism is on a continuum, ranging from healthy narcissism to a clinical disorder. Healthy narcissism is what encourages you to get up in the morning, take care of yourself, and go for your goals. Symptoms for the personality disorder called narcissism include an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and requiring constant admiration. They also feel entitled to special treatment and lack true empathy for others. Narcissists often take advantage of others and objectify them.
Some people exhibit some of these characteristics but not all of them and not all of the time. These people are somewhere on the continuum. You might be surprised to learn that there are nice narcissists who can be very charming. They are often skilled at masking their true intentions and agendas. Dealing with these people can sometimes be the most difficult because you can’t quite put your finger on why you feel so uneasy after engaging them.
Narcissists can be in all kinds of roles in your life, sometimes unexpected. This can be confusing for people. It may be your parent, child or sibling. It may be a co-worker or boss. Narcissists can be clergy, teachers and people who inspire others. One size does not fit all. There are loud and quiet narcissists. They’re not always braggarts and big in the room, although they often are.
Some effective psychological and behavioral strategies you can employ if you find yourself in relationship with someone with these traits include:
– Create structure and strong, consistent boundaries around your interactions with this person.
– Limit your frequency and length of time with this person.
– Have a voice in the dynamic. It won’t be offered to you by a narcissist. You must claim it.
– Be good to you. Narcissists won’t meet your needs consistently and sometimes not at all. You will have to do that for yourself. Ask yourself what you need and desire, and ensure that you receive it.
Do you find yourself valuing others’ opinions over your own? Are you a person who often asks others what they think you should do? Is it difficult for you to trust yourself when making decisions? Some people even ask waiters what they should eat at a restaurant. How would the waiter know the answer to that question if they don’t know you.
It can be easy to fall into a pattern of overvaluing what others think and devaluing what you think. We’ve observed this phenomenon with young people choosing a major in college. Sometimes they want to please their parents or peers over what they truly want to do with their careers. Unfortunately, it can be years later when they realize they chose the wrong path.
We’ve seen it with entrepreneurs trying to figure out what’s best for their business and parents wanting to do a good job raising their children. Often people are afraid to make mistakes, so they let others decide. If they make a choice based on the advice of someone else, they can abdicate responsibility.
The fallacy of this approach is that what has worked for one person may not work for you. Also, there is a vortex of conflicting opinions out there, and it can get confusing fast. Even if you are being informed by someone else’s advice, it’s ultimately your personal responsibility to make choices in your life. While it’s great to check in with experts and even hear the viewpoint of your friends and family, the most important opinion is your own.
To get better at this skill, practice refraining from asking others about smaller decisions. Make your own choice with the full knowledge that if you make a mistake, you will be accountable. Some simple areas include what you’re wearing, what you’re eating, how to respond to innocuous emails. This strengthens your habit. Once you feel confident in these smaller decisions, you can step into even more important choices in your life. What do you think?